diff --git a/__tests__/unit/services/cat-worker-bootstrap.test.ts b/__tests__/unit/services/cat-worker-bootstrap.test.ts
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..6ae7a6e30
--- /dev/null
+++ b/__tests__/unit/services/cat-worker-bootstrap.test.ts
@@ -0,0 +1,84 @@
+/**
+ * The Cat has to be able to come into existence.
+ *
+ * There is a circularity hiding in this feature, and the first version shipped
+ * into it: `resolveMentions` can only flag @cat when a Cat PROFILE exists, so
+ * with no account nothing is ever queued — and if the account were only
+ * established when something was queued, nothing ever would be. A freshly
+ * deployed platform would sit there with @cat resolving to nobody, looking
+ * exactly like a working feature nobody had used yet.
+ *
+ * So the worker establishes the account BEFORE it looks at the queue, and
+ * before the empty-queue exit. This test is the thing that stops that ordering
+ * from being "tidied up" later.
+ */
+
+const ensureCatAccount = jest.fn();
+const claimCatMentions = jest.fn();
+
+jest.mock('@/services/mentions/cat-account', () => ({
+  ensureCatAccount: (...a: unknown[]) => ensureCatAccount(...a),
+}));
+jest.mock('@/services/mentions/queue', () => ({
+  claimCatMentions: (...a: unknown[]) => claimCatMentions(...a),
+  completeCatMention: jest.fn(),
+  failCatMention: jest.fn(),
+  MAX_ATTEMPTS: 3,
+}));
+jest.mock('@/services/mentions/cat-reply', () => ({
+  replyToConversationMention: jest.fn().mockResolvedValue(true),
+}));
+
+import { runCatMentions } from '@/services/mentions/worker';
+
+beforeEach(() => {
+  ensureCatAccount.mockReset().mockResolvedValue({ id: 'cat-1', username: 'cat' });
+  claimCatMentions.mockReset().mockResolvedValue([]);
+});
+
+describe('the mention worker bootstraps the Cat', () => {
+  it('establishes the account even when the queue is empty', async () => {
+    await runCatMentions({} as never);
+    // The empty queue is the NORMAL state, and it is exactly the state a new
+    // deployment is in. Returning early without this call is the deadlock.
+    expect(ensureCatAccount).toHaveBeenCalledTimes(1);
+  });
+
+  it('establishes the account before it claims anything', async () => {
+    const order: string[] = [];
+    ensureCatAccount.mockImplementation(async () => {
+      order.push('ensure');
+      return { id: 'cat-1', username: 'cat' };
+    });
+    claimCatMentions.mockImplementation(async () => {
+      order.push('claim');
+      return [];
+    });
+
+    await runCatMentions({} as never);
+    expect(order).toEqual(['ensure', 'claim']);
+  });
+
+  it('still reports an empty run as empty', async () => {
+    await expect(runCatMentions({} as never)).resolves.toEqual({
+      claimed: 0,
+      answered: 0,
+      failed: 0,
+    });
+  });
+
+  it('answers a claimed mention once the account exists', async () => {
+    claimCatMentions.mockResolvedValue([
+      { id: 'q1', source_type: 'message', source_id: 'm1', requester_id: 'u1', conversation_id: 'c1', parent_event_id: null, attempts: 1 },
+    ]);
+    await expect(runCatMentions({} as never)).resolves.toMatchObject({ claimed: 1, answered: 1 });
+  });
+
+  it('fails claimed mentions rather than speaking as nobody', async () => {
+    ensureCatAccount.mockResolvedValue(null);
+    claimCatMentions.mockResolvedValue([
+      { id: 'q1', source_type: 'message', source_id: 'm1', requester_id: 'u1', conversation_id: 'c1', parent_event_id: null, attempts: 1 },
+    ]);
+    await expect(runCatMentions({} as never)).resolves.toMatchObject({ failed: 1, answered: 0 });
+  });
+});
diff --git a/scripts/systemd/orangecat-cron@cat-account.timer b/scripts/systemd/orangecat-cron@cat-account.timer
index c7a481a15..59149a287 100644
--- a/scripts/systemd/orangecat-cron@cat-account.timer
+++ b/scripts/systemd/orangecat-cron@cat-account.timer
@@ -9,6 +9,12 @@
 Description=OrangeCat Cat account invariant (daily)
 
 [Timer]
+# OnActiveSec is what makes a freshly deployed Cat exist within the minute.
+# `Persistent=true` only replays a run MISSED while the machine was down; a
+# timer enabled for the first time simply waits for the next OnCalendar, which
+# for a daily timer is up to 24 hours away. That gap is not cosmetic — until the
+# account exists, @cat resolves to nobody and nothing can be queued.
+OnActiveSec=1min
 OnCalendar=daily
 Persistent=true
 RandomizedDelaySec=15m
diff --git a/src/services/mentions/worker.ts b/src/services/mentions/worker.ts
index 698dac4ce..1c6e02b86 100644
--- a/src/services/mentions/worker.ts
+++ b/src/services/mentions/worker.ts
@@ -33,15 +33,21 @@ export async function runCatMentions(
 ): Promise<MentionRunResult> {
   const result: MentionRunResult = { claimed: 0, answered: 0, failed: 0 };
 
+  // BEFORE claiming, and before the empty-queue exit, because otherwise the
+  // system deadlocks on itself: resolveMentions can only flag @cat when a Cat
+  // profile exists, so with no account nothing ever queues — and if the account
+  // were only created when something was queued, nothing ever would be. The
+  // every-minute tick is therefore also what brings the Cat into existence.
+  // Cheap enough to do unconditionally: one primary-key lookup when it is a
+  // no-op, which is always after the first run.
+  const cat = await ensureCatAccount(admin);
+
   const claimed = await claimCatMentions(admin, limit);
   result.claimed = claimed.length;
   if (claimed.length === 0) {
     return result;
   }
 
-  // Established once per tick rather than per mention: it is one indexed lookup
-  // when it is a no-op, and without it there is no sender to speak as.
-  const cat = await ensureCatAccount(admin);
   if (!cat) {
     for (const mention of claimed) {
       await failCatMention(admin, mention, 'no Cat account');