Basic Bro.txt

- We got your CAT scan back, and unfortunately we did find something on the brain: a backwards-fitted cap. You are a full-on basic bro.
- Doctor, that's impossible. Only bitches can be basic.
- I'm afraid bros can be just as basic. You refer to your friends as your "boys", you love bacon so much that you ruin it for everyone else, and your preferred topic of conversation is how much you drank last night.
- Four beers, two shots of Jack, one Red Bull and vodka.
- This is very serious, Gerald, very seriously basic. Are you experiencing any other symptoms?
- I guess I talk about high school a lot, I quote Barney from How I Met Your Mother here and there...
- Probably rip on vegetarians, make unoriginal "make me a sammich" jokes to your significant other?
- Yes.
- Shit is basic. The good news is we caught your basic-ness early. If you can wean yourself off the guys-only poker nights and stop referring to your basement as your "man cave", you might be able to salvage a personality.
- Actually, I haven't...I haven't told you everything. I've noticed a strange feeling, like this area. I think I have a crush on Emma Watson.
- Oh, my God, that's basic.
- Gerald, you really need to be upfront about all this basic shit. I'm going to show you a series of images. I just want you to tell me the first thing that pops into your head.
- Art. ... Perfect profile picture. ... I'm totally going to do this with my boys. ... Hero. ... Fuck you!
- A grown man with serious opinions about teenage girl music. You are a Stage 4 basic bro.
- You always did take pick-up basketball a little too seriously.
- But the real victim here is you, Lucy. Basic bros spend their days drinking on the couch with an unearned sense of entitlement. It's you who will have to pretend not to be humiliated when he very obviously checks out your waitress at Hooters. That's right, sister. He did go to Hooters. And the kids too. Because he's basic. Basic as fuck.
- Hey, I don't need to sit around here and be insulted by you, okay? I want a second opinion!
- He took me to Hooters for breakfast.
- It was an early lunch!

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